During this journey of widowhood, I’ve made (at least I’d like to think) some new friends, and hopefully friends for life, since they didn’t run away when things got difficult, even with the crap they are going through themselves. It restores faith in human nature somewhat.
I factor in the fact that we are all grieving in different ways, and we can become insular. As a result I have some excellent friends that reciprocate or taken a leap of faith and organised events/made huge efforts to get me out of my current predicament, and for those still with me, I cannot thank you enough. I can’t tell you how stir-crazy staring at the same four walls is making me.
Sure, there are times where you think you’ve made new friends and realised that actually they’re not.
The ones that only call when they need something but never check on you. The ones who see you as a free emergency taxi service, or a free meal out when they need company but never reciprocate (never call or text to check you are ok), mess you around when making arrangements (just be honest), or ones that demonise you for a war crime you don’t even know you’ve committed but ostracise you and stick the boot in anyway.
And I guess that’s fine, it’s a life lesson I’m learning the hard way, that people aren’t always who they say they are, or the only commonality you have is grief, beyond that, there’s no substance or foundation for friendship. To those people I can only say thank you for teaching me my shortcomings, to trust less and recognise these traits sooner.
Now I’d like to think I’ve tried to help, by being there for those that needed it when they’ve needed it (even though personally I’ve been in a lot of pain [Physically/Emotionally]), because let’s face it, grief is a horrible emotional mess to navigate through to get to a point you can just about cope. Or maybe it’s the fact that as a male, we’re expected to be messed around more than most? Who knows?
Clearly, I Care (sometimes too much) of what people think. It’s one of my many unattractive insecurities (bad childhood) yet I’ve had to try and move beyond that as I’ve found it very upsetting when these things happen and hence they’re no longer in my life. I do wish them well in their journey V2.0++, and hope they find that someone that offers the kind of support they need.
Eventually, the dust will settle down and what I’m left with is a core group of wid friends, that I can hopefully rely on them, as they can rely on me when the going gets tough to help each other through the dark days without shutting each other out, or better still …
Doing stuff on the good days, I need to take a leaf from a friend’s book – make an effort to visit more people and do stuff outside my comfort zone, The next post should be a tad more positive.